


Day 6 - Angst

by Sang_argente



Series: sastiel love week 2017 [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Big Brother Dean, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Implied/referenced Destiel, Insecure Sam, M/M, Pining Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 18:46:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10393740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sang_argente/pseuds/Sang_argente
Summary: Castiel was an angel, a pure holy warrior of God. He was miles out of Sam's league and too unaware of human sexuality. Sam was better off keeping his mouth shut. He held it in, kept it locked in a tiny little box, and refused to even think about it. Castiel was Dean's friend, Dean's guardian, Dean's angel. Sam kept quiet.





	

When Sam started falling for Castiel, he kept it to himself. He was tainted, the boy with the demon blood, after all. Plus, he and Castiel had really just started to be friendly to one another. It's wasn't Castiel's fault that Sam had taken a giant leap over that line in the sand and started falling in love with his confused frowns and his clueless questions and his stupid trench coat. His heart skipped a beat whenever he heard the rustle of angel wings, or anything similar. 

And that was the point. Castiel was an angel, a pure holy warrior of God. He was miles out of Sam's league and too unaware of human sexuality. Sam was better off keeping his mouth shut. He held it in, kept it locked in a tiny little box, and refused to even think about it. Castiel was Dean's friend, Dean's guardian, Dean's angel. Sam kept quiet.

It still hurt, though, after he got his soul and his memories back. He remembered the frustration when Castiel answered Dean, but not Sam. He remembered the childish annoyance when Castiel barely looked at him response. Most of all, he remembered the icy feeling in his chest when Castiel spoke of his and Dean's more profound bond. It was a mix of jealousy, hurt, and hopelessness, all things Sam supposedly couldn't feel without a soul.

He didn't speak of it later on. Instead, he started leaving Dean and Castiel by themselves more often, going so far as to get his own motel room. He always excused himself, saying he was tired or wanted to stay up to research or stay in for dinner. Anything to let them have their time, but keep him from having to see it.

It wasn't until Dean got an Amazon pregnant before Sam thought something was seriously wrong. If he and Castiel were so close, so bonded, why would Dean cheat? Despite his colorful past, Dean was an extremely loyal romantic partner. Sam couldn't help himself, he had to ask.

“So, is it like an open relationship or what?” He blurts out a week after the Amazons, driving down an empty stretch of highway.

Dean's head whipped towards him. “Excuse me?”

“You and Cas,” Sam said slowly, ignoring the lead balloon that phrase left in his stomach. “Your ‘profound bond’ or whatever. I thought it sounded pretty exclusive, but I guess not if you're out impregnating women you meet in clubs.”

“Whoa whoa whoa!” Dean cried, shaking his head furiously. “First of all, I am always playing it safe. Obviously, if this is the first pregnancy I've actually, y’know, caused. Second of all, Cas and I are just friends. That bond stuff is just his angel way of, like, making me a friendship bracelet or whatever.”

“Oh,” Sam breathed out. He felt a little dumb. “Are you sure? Because, y’know, I would support you and be happy for you if--”

Dean scoffed but didn't look away from the road. “Oh, please, you would not. You've got a hard on the size of the Empire State building for Cas.”

“Dean!” Sam protested, his cheeks heating rapidly. “It's not like that.”

“Oh, I know, you've got lots of girly feelings for him too. What I don't get is why you don't just tell him.”

“I can't.”

“Sure you can,” Dean said, a smirk on his face. “Just pray and be all ‘Oh Castiel, please come down and make me see God with your holy spear’ or whatever.”

“Dean.”

The smirk was now a grin. “And then after the good part, you can tell him all about your squishy heart feelings and how much you looove him.”

“Drop it, Dean,” Sam said, his voice all steel and ice. “Let it go.”

Dean risked a look at Sam and winced at the expression on his face. “Alright, little brother, it's gone.”

“Thank you.”

But later that night, Dean just could not shake the look in Sam's eyes away. That was real heartbreak there. Which was weird, because Dean always thought Sam's thing for Castiel was a little hero worship mixed with a school boy crush. Not, like, love.  
Whatever. Either way, Dean had to do something about it because he knew Sam never would.

He was the one who had claimed a need for separate rooms this time and he intended to take full advantage of it. Instead of praying, however, he decided to just use the phone.

“Cas, hey, it's Dean. If you have some time could you come by? It's pretty important.”

“I'm here,” Castiel said when he appeared, dropping his phone into his pocket. “What do you need, Dean?”

“It's about Sam,” Dean started.

“Sam? Is he alright? Is it the hallucinations again?”

“He's fine,” Dean reassured. Castiel's reaction was a good sign. “The hallucinations are still gone, thank God. No, this is about Sam's emotional state.”

“Dean,” Castiel sighed, almost as if in disappointment. “You should know by now that Sam suffers from severe anxiety and depression. His need to be alone sometimes is not a slight against your skills as a caretaker, or as a big brother.”

Dean blinked rapidly, taking in all of that. “What? No. Just listen. I think...I think Sam's in love.”

This time, Castiel blinked before letting out a tiny oh. Dean would swear he could see the faintest image of drooping wings before Castiel snapped back into himself.

“This is good, isn't it?”

“Not when he thinks he isn't good enough,” Dean denied. “Sammy is a smart kid, quick and thoughtful and sensitive and all that other crap normal people put so much stock in. He's also protective and defensive and a genius at Latin. He knows lore backwards and forwards. Hell, I can even admit he ain't too bad to look at. My little brother is goddamn catch.”

“Sam does display several appreciated traits of a mate,” Castiel said in agreement. “Intelligent, compassionate, attractive. He is, as you say, a ‘catch’.”

“Right. But he's also insecure. He's too scared to put himself out there, especially after being accused of being tainted and evil and less than worthy of love.”

Anger lit a fire in Castiel's eyes. “Who has said these things?”

“You did,” Dean reminded him gently.

“What?”

“Cas, you're my best friend,” Dean started quietly, fully intending to slap Castiel in the face with the truth. “But when you avoid touching someone and call them a monster or an abomination, that doesn't really call up the warm and fuzzies.”

“That was a mistake,” Castiel said desperately. “That was before I really knew Sam. Before I saw his soul, held it in my hands, when I was still Heaven's good little soldier.”

Dean shushed him and continued. “I know, but do you see why Sam might be a little scared to say anything about his feelings? Plus, he's a little stuck on this profound bond thing.”

“That's just because I saved you from Hell,” Castiel tried to explain, the impression of a scolded puppy growing stronger. 

“Didn't you save Sam from Hell too?”

“Yes, I did,” Castiel agreed.

“And you have romantic feelings for him?”

“Yes,” Castiel agreed a little more reluctantly.

“So wouldn't you say you have a more profound bond with Sam?” Dean prompted.

“I--” Castiel blinked a few times, before turning to the door abruptly. “I have to go.”

Dean smiled after him as he watched him leave and move across the parking lot where Sam was lingering in front of a vending machine. He watched as Castiel tapped Sam on the shoulder and then just planted a rough kiss against Sam's lips. He watched as Sam fumbled for a second before pushing into the kiss wholeheartedly.

“That's my boys,” Dean crowed to himself, proud and happy despite the fact that he'd soon be hearing the sounds of successful match made. Namely, the headboard against the wall type of sounds that would make him wish for brain bleach.

For now though, he was just happy.

**Author's Note:**

> written for [](http://kisahawklin.tumblr.com>kisahawklin</a>%20on%20tumblr%20for%20sastiel%20love%20week%202017.)


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